Shameful

Oh dear. After spending all day in bed asleep to try to combat pain, I drag myself out to go pick up Claudia from school. I have on the leggings and top (inside out) that I have been wearing in bed, my hair has been liberally waxed and hairsprayed yesterday and then slept on. I am only grabbing the girl so I don't brush anything or even put shoes on. When I get to the school I noticed an unusual amount of activity and realise that Parents' evening is in full swing and I have forgotten. So I sneak into the classroom 25 minutes late, shoeless and unkempt. At least she had better marks than I was expecting.

Family Time

Christmas is a time set aside for family in this modern world. All the joys of seeing relatives that live far away, the looks on faces when big news is shared, the looks on faces when Aunt Mildred’s turkey is served....

Times may have changed but people haven’t, and Jesus’ family was no different to yours and mine. The family gathering prior to the first Christmas sounded a lot like a typical year chez Bodsworth:

First, you have to get past the door. Aunty Alison/Gramma/Weird Uncle Thomas is waiting... In Mary’s case, Elizabeth is guarding the portal with arms outstretched. Reunion, love, gladness, joy and excitement.

Then; one of the kids is in trouble. Massive scandal, cover up plan needs hatching. Both women are as happy as can be about their news, but nothing brings family together like unity in the face of adversity. Strength, trust, guidance and peace.

After dinner, the fun starts. Mary and Elizabeth are so happy that Mary starts singing. It’s a shame that Zachariah in the corner is ill and can’t join in, but clapping along is just as important! Fellowship, worship, thankfulness and encouragement.

And what would a family do be without the epic argument? Tradition states that Elizabeth’s baby is to be called Zechariah, a strong family name. Nope, says Liz, he’s a John. I can imagine how long that one lasted before Zechariah lost patience and wrote his final answer. My family is full of strong minded people and old traditions. These gatherings are a time for respecting and remembering what made us great, what ties us together. But we must also look forward to our futures, new family members, new ties and eventually, new traditions. Independence, experience, wisdom and innovation.

Our families stress us out. They yell at us, kick us out, bribe us in, tell us what to do and disown us when we do it. But most of all, they love us. They want to help build us and brace us and show us off to the world.

So you might not love Christmas pudding, you might not think Johnny made the best choice in his hairdo or his wife and you would really rather little Greta kept her sticky fat fingers to herself, but you know that deep down you would move Heaven and Earth to be with them and they would cover for you whilst you did it.

Eat much. Drink much. Give much. Pray much. Sing much and hug much.

Merry Christmas!

The Bishop Of Myra

Today is St. Nicholas’ day! 6th December is still the main day for gift-giving and merry-making in much of Europe. Many feel that simple gift-giving in early Advent helps preserve a Christmas Day focus on the Christ Child. Saint Nick himself has quite the split personality, having evolved over the years to fit in with all sorts of different traditions. In his mortal life he was a Greek bishop noted for his Christian spirit of giving. One legend tells of his throwing three bags of gold through a window to rescue the girls there from a life of poverty. The coins landed in the socks and shoes laid out by the fire to warm. This, along with his generous reputation, probably led to the tradition of asking him for gifts, specifically in a hung stocking. Unfortunately, some might say, the round bags of gold have morphed into oranges in most peoples stockings nowadays! 

Santa Claus as we know him is largely thanks to the poem ‘The Night Before Christmas’, which describes him in fair detail, and of course Coca-Cola for giving him his red suit. In order to get round all the children in the world on Christmas Eve this year, he will have to travel 221 million miles at an average speed of 1279 miles a second, 6,395 times the speed of sound. For all those of us who are exhausted just rushing around getting ready for Christmas, that is a sobering thought!

Making music

Claudia is knocked out on the sofa with a temperature of 40.1. They couldn't get hold of me from school yesterday so she spent the day under the table asleep. I have three problems:
1. I have repeatedly given them updated mobile phone numbers. They have mine, her father's, her grandmother's and a friend authorized to pick her up. Why can't they call any of them? They called the house phone.
2. How much of a problem would it be to have a sick bay? We had one at all the schools I attended. It doesn't have to be much more than a cupboard with a campbed in!
3. She won't let me practise my xaphoon today. :'(

Laugh It Off...

October hosts one of the most controversial festivals on the calendar: Halloween. In my travels through the years and the churches, I have come across various attitudes toward and interpretations of this highly commercialised sweetfest. I am coming to a time when I need to decide what I am going to teach my children about this, so I thought I would share some of my ideas.

So, can we observe any of the modern traditions of Halloween or should we lock ourselves in the house with the lights out?

The Feast of All Saints on November 1st and All Souls on Nov 2nd meant that a vigil was traditionally held on October 31st. Various legends and traditions in the early church held that the dead were particularly strong in this world on this vigil night. We should take this opportunity to pray for the departed of the last year. Trick or treating probably descends from the tradition of going around the village asking for a ‘soul cake’ in exchange for praying for a particular departed soul and carved pumpkin lanterns may have originally had faces and a light to represent those that were prayed for. Presumably they had nicer expressions back then...

We have dwelt on death for quite long enough now, time to move on. All Saints day is a celebration of all those who are good, who have triumphed over death and now sit with the Father. Satan is forever trying to pull us down to death, but we know how to beat him. What better way to show him that he will never win but to laugh at his attempts? Dress your kids or grandkids up in their monster suits and show Lucifer exactly how much we fear him. Remember the Riddikulus curse in Harry Potter? Teach the kids to laugh in the face of evil, brush off their Armour of God and suit up. Christ has come and he’s already won.

So this year, I’m inviting some guests round, carving faces on orange halves and lighting the pith. We’re going to have fellowship, remember those we have lost, then we’re going to eat too many sweets, put on silly outfits and laugh. The Bible tells us to*.

*Psalm 37:12-13. For instance

For what we are about to receive...

Today we celebrate our Harvest Festival, traditionally a thanksgiving for the plenty given to us by God.

This week, I have been ensconced in my computer corner, compiling, formatting and editing our cookbook. I can thank God that I have ‘harvested’ a magnificent array of recipes from our congregation and their friends. As I look through the wonderful variation piled in front of me I cannot help but be overawed by God’s bounty! The gifts He gives us are innumerable. Not only in terms of food, but also in the million and one combinations it can be put together.

Add on the beautiful Graces that have been given to go with the recipes and this book is harvest personified. Not only am I up to my ears in food ideas, but every page is prompting me to take a minute to remember where it comes from. Here at All Saints, we are God’s bounty. Imagination, generosity, dedication, all abound in the minds and hearts of us all.

Our Harvest is embodied today in the food collected and displayed in our church. And as with all good things, it should be sampled in moderation, so we will be spreading the bounty about and donating to the poor in our region. The collection taken will be donated also, this year to Reverend John Underwood’s effort in North Korea.

So take a moment, today and every day, to think about God’s bounty in your life. Every time we say a Grace, we are holding a mini Harvest Festival. Every time we cook a meal, we are celebrating the vast array of the world’s resources God has given us and the limitless imagination to put it all together in new and delicious ways that He has gifted us. Thanks, Father.

Having said that, never put lobster in a sweet mac and cheese. God will not approve...

On bugs...

Claudia: A tic!
I reach for the tape.
Oh! Wait, it's flying.
Tics can't fly. (put tape down.)
No, I think it's hanging.
Hanging? (slightly confused, pick up tape.)
Yes, hanging in the air.
Claudia, that's a spider! I'm not sellotaping a spider!

Dear Claudia Grace,

You are 8 years old, skinny, long blond hair and freckles all over your nose. You look a little like an angel that may or may not have raided the sweetie jar, depends who's asking. People call you a Barbie doll and exclaim how wonderful you are. I smile and nod, and watch whilst you shy away from their hands as they try to stroke you, grimace and theatrically wipe your face after their kiss. I want to say - and frequently do, "Wait until she opens her mouth." or "Yeah, in public."

You are a beautiful, loved, clever and artistic little girl and you must never think otherwise, but I have to tell you that your father and I have come close to 'losing' you in public places, tripping you up down stairs or even feeding you to the dogs before. You are what I have come to know as a "easily frustrated, chronically inflexible" child.

I found that in a parenting book. Usually I avoid such things like the plague, but after I had shown your father and we had both fallen about laughing at such a wonderfully apt and politely put description of you, I did buy the book and read it from cover to cover. It has some great ideas and goes to some length to tell me that I am not a failure as a parent, so I am a huge fan. We've gone ahead with some of the techniques and got a great response from you. The idea is that we define the problem, you define your problem, we decide why it's a problem and then we come up with some workable solutions together. So far this has worked fab. We have started with your inability to go to sleep. We have agreed that you cannot, indeed, go to sleep. We have discussed and identified around ten potential reasons why, and decided it's not them. You aren't too hot or too cold. Your bed is comfortable. Your pillow is fine. It's not too quiet, too noisy, too dark or too light. I come away from our discussion feeling joyful; we have talked about it with no screaming or crying! It's not until five minutes later I realise that we've not actually got anywhere. Back to Google.

Actually, it's still pretty good. You have three major problems. (I know this because your father and I spent an hour compiling a list the book gave us) You don't sleep. You don't eat. And you, roughly boiled down, have a fear of failure complex. We are convinced that if we can get you to sleep, most of the rest will solve itself. This seems to have played out these last few weeks of holiday when you have been able to sleep in in the morning. When less tired, you are more open to trying food, better tempered and have a better appetite. Of course, one big problem is that it might be your poor diet that causes your inability to sleep.

So our commitment is that we are going to fix it. I have looked into insomnia and its treatments. Basically, anything that causes you to sleep, ie, pills, should be a last resort and not used for extended periods of time. So there goes our plan of drugging you until you're 18. Insomnia cannot be treated, rather the underlying reasons for it need to be identified and treated. There is a possibility that lifestyle is a factor. However, we have been trying to overcome this for nearly a year now and have tried all the fixes. Melatonin, magnesium, lavender, massage, white noise, background music, no light, soothing light, bath before bed. No screens before bed, reading together, early nights, late nights, starting off in our bed, supper, no supper, milk... The only thing we noticed made a difference was that when we concentrated on the problem it stressed you out so much that it got worse. So we backed off completely and left you to your own devices as long as you were quiet. Sometimes you were asleep when we got to bed, sometimes not. We all got on a lot better so it has stayed thus until one of us can work out how the hell we sort it out.

We are down to diet or therapy, although we are going to give a fish tank a go in the meantime. We have to make you eat properly and see if it helps. If not, I am going to have to get you psychologically wotsitated for depression or anxiety. Neither of us will be surprised if you suffer from either, you have always been a tightly strung, wound up person. Everything is personal and you often overreact to situations. Nevertheless, we hope it doesn't come to that! So, diet it is. We will see how that goes.....

To victory

My girl will not be defeated. If she thinks she can't do it, she won't start it. If she thinks she can do it, she will not stop until it's done. No learning curves for her! 2/3 of the way up an 110m high 83% slope hillside I want to go back down but she refuses. I tell her the only way she is going up further is to go through the bushes so she can't fall down. So she endures gorse in her face for 40m to get to the top. Without complaint. I'm looking forward to meeting the boys brave enough to take her on.